Jen: An Advocate’s Perspective

Sophia’s abuser had convinced her that she was nothing without him and she would never amount to anything of value to anyone else. He had done everything in his power to manipulate her and break her down emotionally to make her feel like she could not survive without him. The day Sophia decided to break free of her abusive relationship and seek help, she wasn’t sure that there could really be anything out there for her. When she walked through the doors of Alexandra House, her advocate, Jen, could see the fear and hopelessness in her eyes. Jen wanted Sophia to feel safe and help her find her voice and knew it would take a lot of reminding her who she was before the relationship she had just fled. She knew Sophia’s biggest challenge would be rebuilding her self-esteem and trust in those around her to create the life she truly deserved.

As Sophia learned about orders for protection, boundaries, and resources that were now within her reach, she slowly started making eye contact with people and finding confidence in her voice. She received gas cards and food shelf support, gained employment, saved money, purchased a home, and started to find her way. With every visit, Jen saw Sophia with more in light her eyes and confidence in her stance. Sophia was doing the work, and Jen kept making space for her to move ahead. Even through the setbacks, Sophia was growing stronger and breaking out of her shell with each new day. The voice of her abuser breaking her down on a daily basis was fading away as she realized that he didn’t have control over her life anymore.

“I was watching Sophia really blossom into who she could be. My biggest role with
her was just to support her along the way because I could see the potential that
she had to create a life on her terms.”

Sophia was able to save money to pay towards her rent every month, put away a down payment on a home, gain better employment, and start to dream again. She was free from the abuse and manipulation and had found safety in her life. Jen has watched so many people walk through the door at the worst time of their lives and find the resiliency to bloom with goals and plans toward a life free from violence. She knows it isn’t easy, and each survivor faces a unique set of challenges, whether they are forced with the decision to leave a pet behind or find safety and uproot children from all that they know to face an unknown path of circumstances.

“I think an advocate’s role in all situations, especially when a family first comes to us for help,
is to just be present and let them know we’re listening, we’re here for them, and we can
keep them safe along the way.”

Jen has been working in advocacy for over twenty years and has made it her heart work to guide, support, and watch the lives of survivors improve dramatically. Her hope is that survivors will see a way out of their circumstances with the resources and support to stop the cycle of abuse. To Jen, this is probably one of the most important things she can do. Through our 24-hour crisis line, safety planning, legal support, basic needs assistance, support groups, safe shelter, and permanent housing, survivors like Sophia can envision a way out of the grips of an abusive partner and onto a pathway of hope for a better future.

Our Transitional Housing Program offers rental support and other expenses that may be barriers to leaving a violent living situation. There are opportunities to secure better employment, build new support systems, and gain knowledge about community resources while securing more permanent, safe housing. Our programs offer transformative opportunities for participants like Sophia to achieve personal goals, increase financial stability, build life skills, and integrate with their community. Alexandra House programs are a reliable avenue for survivors to have access to a continuum of care as they maintain a life free from violence that is stable and predictable.

On a typical day, local domestic violence hotlines receive around 19,159 calls, approximately 13 calls every minute. In Minnesota, over 68,000 people experiencing rape and abuse reach out to domestic and sexual violence programs for safety each year. Many are turned away because there are insufficient resources to help everyone in need. One in three Minnesota women will experience sexual or domestic violence in her lifetime. In 2023, at least 40 people lost their lives to domestic violence in Minnesota – the highest number in more than a decade. Nationally, 50% of female homicide victims are killed by an intimate partner. The impact of what we do at Alexandra House ripples beyond those directly affected by domestic and sexual violence. Just as when there is violence in a community, it harms everyone living in it.

Thank you for being part of the heart behind the movement of our vital programs and services. We rely on the dedication and tireless devotion of mission-driven advocates like Jen and steadfast supporters like you. Together, we can ensure that survivors like Sophia receive the necessary resources and support their unique circumstances will require. We wish you well this holiday season and hope you have a renewed sense of hope as we all stand together.

As you consider the size of your year-end gift, please think about the magnitude of the challenge our community is facing:

• Nearly every 1 in 2 women in the United States will face physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives.
• Every 32 minutes, people experience intimate partner violence in the United States.
• Over 47% of women have encountered sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime.
• Almost half of all women reported psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

To protect the privacy and safety of this survivor, her name has been changed, and stock photography has been used. These precautions are taken to honor her confidentiality and ensure her continued safety.